6 Ways To Beat Financial Stress That Have Nothing To Do With Money

September 25, 2017

Are you insanely worried about money? Does worrying about paying the bills and tackling debt keep you up at night or lead to arguments? If so, you are not alone.

I’ve been there

In my early thirties, I was consumed with financial stress. Money worries were on my mind 24/7. For a long time, I rarely felt relaxed. My worry really began to overflow when I faced my financial struggles head on: I was spending more than I made, I still had student loan balances, I received an unexpected large tax bill that I couldn’t afford and I had to figure out how to live on a lower income following a career change.

How I dealt emotionally

I’ve written many times about how I declared my own financial independence and the specific behaviors I changed in order to achieve it over the past twenty years. What I haven’t written about so much is how I emotionally weathered those rough, early years of cutting my expenses, growing my income and tackling debt without losing my mind!

Here are six ways I stayed resilient. Try the one which intrigues you — or all of them in combination for a powerful boost:

1. Walk it off

During the period where I was struggling financially I walked every day for hours, rain or shine, to burn off my nervous energy. As I was young and single at the time, it was easy to just head out the door. Walking became my go-to strategy whenever I felt overwhelmed.

When I walked, I would usually start off ruminating about my problems, but after twenty minutes or so I found an easy rhythm and became more mindful of my surroundings. I walked for errands, for exercise and to spend time in parks. Eventually, I literally walked my way out of debt by giving up my car.

2. Practice yoga for strength, flexibility and acceptance

My big splurge back then was a 90 minute vinyasa class once a week at a beautiful yoga studio. Each class cost $20, so that was 40 percent of my weekly $50 entertainment budget, and it was worth it. At home, I practiced rounds of sun salutations to build strength, hip and shoulder openers to create flexibility, inversions for perspective change and relaxation poses for acceptance.

As my body grew stronger and more flexible, I found that I also became more emotionally resilient. I still practice most days, which helps me keep my sanity regardless of what life throws at me.

3. Meditate to foster kindness and compassion

I’d practiced yoga before, but I’d never tried meditation. Feeling stressed all the time seemed the perfect reason to learn how to do it. I tried a few classes, but what really worked for me was simply sitting quietly in a chair at home and paying attention to my breath for about 20 minutes per day.

It was such a helpful habit that I continue this daily, more than two decades later. Not sure where to start? Try an app like Headspace or the guided loving kindness meditation with Sharon Salzberg.

4. Process by putting it on paper

When my financial stress was at the highest points, I sometimes found myself bubbling with resentment. I was irritated with myself for letting the situation get out of hand, angry at clients who had not paid their bills and generally mad at the world for not living up to my expectations. Blaming yourself or others is never an effective motivational strategy, though.

Inspired by a book by Julia Cameron about jump starting creativity, The Artist’s Way, I began a journal writing program. For nearly two years, I wrote several pages in school notebooks every morning, writing about whatever I was thinking or feeling at the moment. I also used the questions in the book to prompt more thoughtful responses.

It’s worth noting that I’ve never gone back and read what I wrote – I was content with getting it all out on paper so could leave it behind me.

5. Say your prayers

Prayer is personal, and what feels most meaningful for one person can be different from another, depending on one’s spiritual tradition and beliefs. I can only tell you what helped me.

Despite 16 years of Catholic school, it wasn’t until I hit the financial skids that I developed a daily prayer practice that was personal and connecting. Don’t underestimate the power of asking for help, and for giving thanks for what you do have.

What I found the most helpful was asking God for wisdom and insight, so that I could make wiser decisions, and for resilience, to weather the financial storms.

6. Seek community

The Beatles had it right: we get by with a little help from our friends. The right traveling companions in life can help you in your journey to financial independence. As I wrote in this post, I formed a group with other self-employed friends to support each other in changing our financial habits. Because we each had different financial challenges and skills, we encouraged each other, gained inspiration from each other’s strengths, and held each other accountable.

Financial peace takes time

Going from financial stress to financial peace takes time. I’m financially independent now, but it didn’t happen overnight. Those early years of significant financial behavior changes were a struggle, but they were also deeply transformative.

These practices I’ve described are things that worked for me in supporting my journey. As our blog editor Kelley Long wrote, your money attitude can keep you poor. The opposite is also true — the right money attitude, along with the right financial behaviors, can make you financially independent.

Want more helpful financial guidance, delivered every day? Sign up to receive the Financial Finesse Tip of the Day, written by financial planners who work with people like you every day. No sales pitch EVER (being unbiased is the foundation of what we do), just the best our awesome planners have to offer. Click here to join.

Have Financial Secrets? Why You Should Just Let It All Out

March 10, 2017

One of my crazy theories of life is that talking to others about your financial life is more intimate and personal than talking about any other topic in life. I have been at holiday parties in the past and learned within minutes of meeting someone that they are unhappily married and having an affair.  To test that theory, I have asked about that individual’s job, ballpark annual earnings and amount of debt – only to be told that those questions were far too personal. I explained that I wasn’t being a jerk. I was testing a theory about money being a more intimate subject than intimacy, and they laughed and agreed.

When I read this article about financial secrets women haven’t shared with their closest of friends, it didn’t surprise me. In my role here at Financial Finesse, I routinely hear people tell me that they are coming to me for guidance and direction before they admit their financial secrets to their spouse. In the article, one woman admits to being broke from divorce, one has $100k in student loans, another has a credit card problem, one has no savings, one says her credit score sucks, another says that childcare eats up everything she earns and the last one has been unemployed for two years.  These are all issues that I’ve talked with people about over the course of time and helped them develop solutions, but without that initial conversation, the problem remains in the shadows and creates unnecessary tension and stress.

When I’ve had these conversations with people, the overwhelming emotion at the end of the conversation is relief. They feel like they’ve been able to unburden themselves in a safe environment with someone who won’t judge them and who will work with them to help find a way out of the situation.  Often, the burden of carrying a secret is worse than the actual secret. Apparently, the old political phrase “the cover up is worse than the crime” has a financial corollary.

If you’re walking around with a secret in your financial life that makes you feel like you carry a heavy weight on your shoulders, do yourself the favor of talking to a financial professional about it. Getting the secret out is the first step. From there, a plan can be put in place – regardless of what your financial burden is – to make progress.

You will be surprised by how liberating it is to just share the secret. (One of my favorite art projects ever is Post Secret, where people share life secrets anonymously and countless suicides have been prevented). That’s the first step in resolving the issue. So get out there and ask for help – whether your issue is credit card debt or trying to figure out how to minimize the tax burden on the sale of a big block of Snapchat stock. It’s a sign of wisdom, not weakness, to get help where help is needed.

 

 

 

Don’t Ignore Your Symptoms

October 10, 2016

“…the upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance.”― Sheryl Sandberg

Do you ever get that nagging feeling that something isn’t right with your finances? Should you brush it off or dive deeper? On the blog today, my fellow planner Cyrus Purnell, CFP writes an intriguing guest post about the importance of not ignoring your financial symptoms:

Are you getting that nudge that things are not working the way they should in your finances? Don’t wait until a problem shows in your credit report or as a shortage in your checking account. Take the time now to diagnose where that nagging feeling is coming from.

I came into 2016 not feeling my best. I was tired all of the time. I was always cranky. My kids were walking on eggshells. I was sick more often.

I went in for my annual physical and there was no sign of anything wrong in all of my tests. But the way I felt told me something was wrong. When I would talk to my doctor and peers about it, their answer was pretty simple, “Oh Cyrus, you are just getting older.”

Thankfully, that answer was not good enough for me. I took steps to investigate why I was not feeling well. I began looking into everything from what I was eating to what time of day I was eating it. I started tracking my sleep. I plunged into reading blogs and listening to podcasts about health.

I finally figured out the culprits and gradually felt several years younger. I am convinced that if I stayed on the road I was on, the way I felt would eventually show up in the form of a bad diagnosis. While I did not enjoy feeling the way I was feeling, the discomfort probably saved me a lifetime of issues.

On paper, you may not be financially sick. Your income may be more than your bills, your credit score may qualify you for anything you want to purchase and when you compare your financial situation with your friends and family, your circumstances may look fine. In spite of all of this, you may still have anxiety about where you are financially. You may be experiencing financial stress.

In our own 2016 Financial Stress Research, we uncovered that 85% of us are experiencing some financial stress. Our research also showed that unmanaged financial stress can result in problems like depression, hours of lost sleep, and overeating. It is at the onset of financial stress, before it becomes unmanageable, that you want to take steps to do something about it. You can start to alleviate financial stress by taking a C.A.L.M.™ approach to cash management:

Create a plan. Create a new plan to manage your cash, calculating necessary expenses and establishing a way to track them. A financial coach, such as a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional, a financial or credit counselor, or an employee assistance program counselor, can provide assistance as needed.

Automate bill payment and savings. Put everything you can on autopilot, setting up automatic bill payments for monthly expenses and transfers to emergency and other savings.

Lower nonessential spending and debt. Track expenses for several months, looking for opportunities to reduce spending on nonessential items and to make extra payments on debt.

Make progress. Make progress by focusing on small, achievable goals, accomplishing one before moving on to the next.

Don’t ignore your symptoms. Look at the early stages of financial stress as a gift. By paying attention to the early discomfort of financial stress and following the C.A.L.M. approach, you can meet the source of your financial stress head on and save yourself from a more difficult recovery down the line.

Do you have a question you’d like answered on the blog? Please email me at [email protected]. You can follow me on the blog by signing up here and on Twitter at @cynthiameyer_FF.

 

Slaying the Three Headed Debt Monster

May 11, 2015

I recently met with a couple (let’s call them James and Julia) in their early-40’s with two young children. I could feel the stress and tension enter the room before they even took a seat in my office. If you’ve ever been around friends that were obviously not getting along, you probably recognize that feeling as all positive energy exits the room the moment the couple in distress enters. This couple’s debt-related stress was not just affecting their relationship, it was starting to impact their friends. Even more potentially devastating, debt-related stress was starting to take a toll on their physical health and well-being. Continue reading “Slaying the Three Headed Debt Monster”

How To Overcome Financial Avoidance

February 23, 2015

I have had the privilege to work with so many incredible people throughout my career as a financial planning professional. Imagine having the opportunity to listen to people as they share their unique life stories, talk about current challenges, and explore future life goals. Money is a powerful force in our lives and how we choose to use it is up to each individual. What’s even more amazing to me is the fact that the topic of money is not something that everyone is comfortable talking to others about. But sometimes the type of person that needs the most financial guidance is also one of the most challenging groups of people to actually get in front of – these are the money avoiders. Continue reading “How To Overcome Financial Avoidance”

Are You On a Crash Course to Disaster?

January 23, 2015

One of the more interesting stories I’ve seen recently in the world of sports is about a guy named Rob Konrad, a former NFL player, who fell off his boat and swam 9 miles to shore.  It took him about 16 hours, he had hypothermia, and he couldn’t walk but at least he survived the ordeal. Along the way, he was circled by a shark and had to fight waves, wind and the dark in order to make it home safely.  Continue reading “Are You On a Crash Course to Disaster?”

Don’t Let Debt Destroy Your Marriage

December 19, 2014

Sometimes when I meet with someone to walk through their finances, I get the distinct impression that our conversation is going to have a significant impact on their life. I had one of those conversations recently with a couple who was very seriously considering separating and divorcing. One of the biggest factors in the stress and tension that is damaging their marriage is how they deal with money or…don’t deal with it.  Continue reading “Don’t Let Debt Destroy Your Marriage”

The 2 Big Financial Mistakes Most People Make

June 06, 2014

My daughter’s favorite animal is the koala bear and that was never more apparent than when she and I went to the San Diego Zoo and saw the koalas there.  Her reaction:  “KOOOOAAAAALLLLLAAAAASSSSS!!!!!!”  –  if I recall correctly. We talked about koalas and why they hug trees.  We had no idea, but now with this article we know the answer.   Continue reading “The 2 Big Financial Mistakes Most People Make”

Are Money Issues Causing Stress and Anxiety?

March 31, 2014

How high is your financial anxiety? Hopefully, it is low or at least manageable. Last month, my anxiety level went up briefly as financial stress crept into our family’s financial plan in the form of unexpected but thankfully minor surgery for our son, an emergency vet visit for our dog, and tuition bills for grad school (for me) and pre-school (not for me). Thank goodness we have an emergency fund and health savings account to offset some of the costs! Expected and unexpected expenses like these can wreak havoc on our financial plans if we don’t maintain some flexibility and adapt our plans as those “surely this won’t happen to me” events occur. Continue reading “Are Money Issues Causing Stress and Anxiety?”

Explore Your Hidden Volcano

November 29, 2013

The Earth is still so full of mysteries even though we have had scientists exploring what seems like every nook and cranny of Earth’s surface, the oceans and the atmosphere. As much as we think we know (from a global perspective, not an individual one) about how the planet works, there is still much to learn and discover. Recently, there was some volcanic activity in Antarctica and the implications for the planet are completely unknown at this time.  It’s fascinating stuff!  (or at least it is to me) Continue reading “Explore Your Hidden Volcano”

How to Really Reward Yourself for Hard Work

July 07, 2013
While at the bus stop this morning, I overheard a woman talking about how whenever she gets a paycheck, she makes sure to pay herself first. I was intrigued since I’ve often heard that “paying yourself first” means putting some money from your paycheck into savings before you’re tempted to spend it all and not have anything left  As she continued however, she explained that to her, paying herself first meant immediately using a portion of every paycheck to buy herself things.  “You see, you gotta reward yourself,” she concluded, for going to work. Continue reading “How to Really Reward Yourself for Hard Work”

7 Steps to Your Financial Independence Day

July 04, 2012

This week America celebrates its 236th birthday.  To honor the occasion, why not declare your own personal “Financial” Independence Day.  To me, financial independence equates to not having to worry about money, so if you are worried about your finances, take these seven steps to economic freedom: Continue reading “7 Steps to Your Financial Independence Day”

Do Employees Have A False Sense of Security About Their Finances?

June 19, 2012

As we move farther away from the height of the Great Recession, many employees appear to have put it behind them, since we are seeing stress levels due to financial concerns steadily decreasing over the past few years.  This drop in financial stress levels is based on recent trend analysis research that I wrote about last month for our 2012 Special Report on Financial Stress. Continue reading “Do Employees Have A False Sense of Security About Their Finances?”

Why Spending Less Can Mean Living More

June 06, 2012

This morning on the radio, I heard an ad for refinancing your home mortgage, targeting us listeners by explaining that the savings that come from a lower interest rate could be used to buy a new car or take a luxury vacation.  But there was nothing about using the savings to actually, well, save!  Ads like this remind me that we live in a society where other people often judge your quality of life based on the amount you spend, while the amount you save is seen as painful deprivation, belittled as “cutting back.”  But if spending less in order to save more is seen as something that limits your life rather than enhances it, something to be suffered rather than celebrated, it’s no wonder that it becomes so difficult for so many people to do. Continue reading “Why Spending Less Can Mean Living More”

Becoming Healthy and Wealthy at the Same Time

March 19, 2012

Becoming healthy and wealthy at the same time seemed like an insurmountable goal to the caller I talked to last week on our financial helpline. Moneywise, Gail (*not her real name) was behind in her bills every single month and extremely stressed about it.  At the end of each pay period, she literally ran out of money so she wrote checks that she knew would put her account in the deficit. Continue reading “Becoming Healthy and Wealthy at the Same Time”

Is Love Draining Your Money?

January 16, 2012

This is an extreme example. I’ll say that right up front but there are lessons here we can all take away.  Yesterday, I took a call to our financial helpline from a caller who was having trouble making ends meet.  She said that she made good money but was always scrambling at the end of the month to get her bills paid.  As I always do, I started asking her questions not only to get to the root of the problem but to tap into her strengths.  Building on people’s strengths is a much better way to achieve real behavior change than to focus on only the problem and the obstacles.  Anyway, long story short, the root of the problem soon emerged. Continue reading “Is Love Draining Your Money?”

The Impact of Financial Stress on Job Productivity

December 06, 2011

Stress is a part of life and isn’t necessarily a good or bad thing.  Personally, I prefer less stress.  But, in small doses stress can help us perform better under pressure and provide the necessary motivation to perform important tasks at home and at work.  As a busy financial planner with countless deadlines, assignments, travel requirements, and client service related demands, my work-life balance is always a challenge.  Thankfully, I thoroughly enjoy the opportunity to help others improve their relationship with money and admit that I do indeed enjoy the sometimes chaotic life of multitasking.  Continue reading “The Impact of Financial Stress on Job Productivity”

Reduce Financial Stress with Clarity and Direction

May 02, 2011

Overwhelming stress takes its toll.  Research shows that stress is the leading cause of disease and financial stress is the most common stressor.  Imagine the feeling of not making ends meet and not having a safety net – no emergency fund and high debt so you feel like you may never get out of it.  In our latest research, we studied stressed out employees who used our financial wellness assessment and found there were two things they all had in common — no emergency fund and high debt.  Maybe it was the combination of the two that put them over the edge of “high stress” to “overwhelming stress.” Continue reading “Reduce Financial Stress with Clarity and Direction”