The Best Thing I Never Bought
April 12, 2013Sometimes the conversations I find myself having with friends take unexpected turns. Recently we had a conversation about “best things.” Maybe it started with the Food Network’s The Best Thing I Ever Ate show and our conversations about good food.
It turned into a conversation, as it often does, about financial topics. (Yeah, you wanna hang out with us now, don’t you?) One of the more entertaining parts of the conversation was when we started talking about the great decisions we made by deciding NOT TO do something.
The best thing I never bought…That could go in so many different directions and it did! One of my friends had no trouble with his answer. For him, the best thing he never bought was an engagement ring for his long time then-girlfriend! He had serious doubts about marrying her even though they appeared to be a great couple.
What we, as his friends, didn’t know fully was the extent of her ability to spend significantly more money than she earned and more than he would give her to cover her monthly shortfalls. After several years, they broke up and we were all bummed out because we liked her as much as him. (Sometimes even more than him, but we’ll just keep this private here….)
Time moves on and I saw her at a Starbucks recently (yes, I should brew my own coffee to save money and I’ll write about my bad habits in future blogs) and we caught up. She is happily married to a great guy and things are great in her life, except for the financial piece. She ended up filing bankruptcy about 10 years ago because of tens of thousands of dollars in credit card bills used to go shopping and take fun trips.
She knows I’m a financial planner so she talked to me about how much credit card debt she’s run up again jointly with her husband. They are looking for a credit counseling company now to help get a handle on their cash flow and their debt. She knows that she is the problem and that she is the key to turning the situation around.
My friend dodged a bullet when he made the very difficult decision to walk away from a woman he loved because of a huge red flag in her behavior that he thought would ruin their relationship long term. While she tells me that life is great, I suspect that the stress of their financial concerns is creating an issue in her marriage. She is now going to start discussing financial stress and her habits with a therapist, so I am hoping for her sake that she gets this situation straightened out once and for all.
Imagine my friend’s life if he HAD bought that ring that she wanted…They would most likely have a bankruptcy in each of their lives along with a house that was mortgaged for more than it is worth and a hefty stack of credit card bills coming in each month. That was the track they were on, and sadly she’s still on it.
Today, he is still single and is on track to be able to retire by the time he reaches 55. Sure, there are a lot of factors involved in his current financial strength, but it’s mostly due to his belief set and behaviors. He doesn’t spend more than he makes. He only uses credit cards to rent cars or hotel rooms and then pays the cards off immediately. He invests and saves on a regular basis. His mortgage is nearly paid off and his credit score is in the 800 range.
His life would be radically different if he had bought the ring and married her. I’m going out on a limb and guessing that he wouldn’t be ready to happily retire earlier than most of his peer group. Would he have influenced her to be more responsible? Would she have influenced him to be more free-spending? We will never know, but neither of them was willing to concede ground during their 3-4 years together and that ultimately doomed the relationship. For him, the answer was a very easy “wedding ring” to the question of the best thing he never bought. What’s yours?