Are You Lip Syncing Through Your Financial Life?

February 05, 2016

I’ve recently become a huge fan of the show Lip Sync Battle. Seeing celebrities “sing” the hits of their favorite artists while doing some very entertaining dances is absolutely hilarious. While it’s one of my guilty pleasures and has led to some world class laughter (“The Rock” as Taylor Swift, Anne Hathaway as Miley Cyrus, Channing Tatum vs. Jenna Dewan Tatum), in one of my odd “connect the dots” moments, I realized that I was having a conversation with someone who was lip syncing her life.

I’ve met with her a few times now and she has decided to end her marriage after much deliberation. We are working through her budget for after they sell their house and move into their own separate places. In the time from our first conversation until our most recent, I have seen a bit of a metamorphosis happening with her. She has transitioned from a person with very little confidence in her ability to manage her personal finances to a person who feels certain that she will make it on her own. (Why do I hear the Mary Tyler Moore theme song in my head?)

The issue that created a lot of tension, anger, and resentment as well as other not-so-great emotions is that her soon-to-be-ex-husband controlled every element of their financial life together. He had the only checkbook.  She deposited her paychecks into a joint account and he gave her an “allowance” that she could spend on anything she wanted. If she needed more money, she would have to ask him for the only ATM card and she would have to report back as to why she needed the money. If she were going to run some errands, he would give her the “appropriate amount of checks” for that trip and she had to give him the carbon copy (yes, people still use those!) so that he could enter it into the check register.

It was not a team approach. It was very one-sided. It was his songbook and she was required to sing along. She was only allowed to lip sync her financial life in her marriage.

That was a big issue that they tried to work through in counseling and they were unable to resolve it. She wanted more involvement. He refused to allow her to have a voice. A person can only have their voice silenced for so long before they burst and demand a different way. Most revolutions have started with a similar sentiment.

Sadly, it is taking the dissolution of her marriage for her to finally find her voice. Fortunately, my hunch is that she is going to be very fiscally responsible in the future. I’m looking forward to seeing her stop the lip sync battle going on in her life and take positive steps forward.

If you are struggling with following someone else’s songbook, a great way to build your knowledge is to read anything and everything you can about personal finances. Our CEO’s new book, What Your Financial Advisor Isn’t Telling You, is a great place to start. It can help you find your own voice so you don’t have to lip sync your way through your financial life.