Poorer Can Actually Be Richer – Fulfilling a Lifelong Dream
June 17, 2011I recently read an article talking about something we don’t like to talk about. It was written by a hospice nurse and is about the regrets of the dying. It was interesting to me to read what the five most mentioned regrets were from those who realized that their time on this earth was coming to an end. I wasn’t surprised to find that one of the top five was, “I wish I didn’t work so hard.” (In case my boss is reading this…I wish I could find a way to work even harder! Is that sucking up too blatant?)
What was a bit surprising, though, was that the top regret listed was, “I wish I had lived a life truer to myself and not the one others had expected of me.” I began to wonder if these two ideas were actually two components of the same thought. Could it be that there are ways that we can simplify our lives, make our money work harder so that we don’t have to, in order to live a life truer to ourselves, the life we have dreamed of? The great movie, Dead Poets Society, has a central character, Neil Perry, who simply wants to live a life true to himself (as an actor and poet) and not the life (going to Harvard and becoming a doctor) his father wants for him. Granted, this is a fictional example, but one that I hope illustrates the point for those who remember that movie. And if you don’t remember it, it might be a good time to watch it again.
Maybe part of the problem is that we (I’m painting with a very broad brush here based on 20 years of sitting across the table from people and hearing their stories) tend to see that the only way to earn money is to “get a job.” Most people get a job, work for a large portion of their adult life, and then retire with whatever money we have been able to save, Social Security and maybe a pension for income. That is what I see with the majority of people I have met with during my career. But, there are some who really stand out because they choose a different path and based on what I know of them, they will in no way be part of the group that regrets not living a life true to their dreams.
I met with a 55 year old couple recently who have a passion for volunteerism and for helping others. They knew they couldn’t do what they wanted to do with their lives (primarily mission work) if they were on the same track as their friends. About 15 years ago they decided to seriously downsize their lifestyle, sold their large home and moved into a very small apartment with their kids. They lived very frugally on one of their incomes, including a 10% contribution to a 401(k), while completely saving the second income. They were able to figure out how much money they needed to be able to fulfill a lifelong goal – spending 15 years abroad involved in mission work; they developed a plan for how to get there, and then flawlessly executed their plan.
When I met with them, they were in the final stages of preparation for their trip and they wanted a second set of eyes on their situation. I was impressed. They worked incredibly hard to develop and fund a plan that allowed them to “work” at something they were extremely passionate about (which made it seem like it wasn’t really work at all), and their plan was very solid. They said that many people they know weren’t fully supportive (including family members and some close friends) of their downsizing and frugality, but they chose to not let outside opinions influence their plans. If they had listened to their friends and family, they would still be working at jobs they liked but lacked a passion for, and wouldn’t be about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. I hope they keep my email address and include me on their trip update message list!
Unfortunately, I’ve been to enough funerals to hear pastors, priests, rabbis, friends, family members and even a few hospice nurses (like the author of the article linked above) tell stories about the regrets of those who were close to death. The couple I met will not have those regrets. One of my friends asked me recently, when the Mega Millions jackpot was extraordinarily large, if I would keep working if I won $100 Million. My answer was yes, because I have a real passion for what I do. I may take better and longer vacations(!), but I’d keep working doing exactly what I’m doing now. He said that I’m pretty lucky to have found my niche and I encouraged him (and everyone who reads this) to find a way to either work at something that you consider your “calling” so that work doesn’t really seem like work, or figure out your numbers – how much money would it take for you to truly pursue something you love? – and then do everything humanly possible to work toward reaching those goals. Should you do that, and if you happen to tell your stories to a hospice nurse one day, your stories will be filled with joy and perhaps even inspiration.