Lessons From the 405

April 01, 2015

On a recent trip to Los Angeles, I was the passenger in a van that was traveling down the 405 late at night. Now if you are at all familiar with LA traffic then you probably can understand that most of the road construction the California DOT does in the LA area is done well…late at night.  On this particular occasion, they were doing work on the left shoulder, which is coincidentally next to the car pool lane—the lane in which we were traveling (at a pretty good pace, I might add). 

As the front seat passenger, I was able to see the construction crew about a half mile ahead, but the large truck trailing the work crew was dimly lit and obscured the merge lights from the driver’s view. As we quickly approached the construction vehicle—which was sticking halfway into the carpool lane—I and my fellow passengers, noticing that our driver was not slowing down or merging, felt compelled to inform him of our desire that he do so (OK, we screamed). At our behest, he quickly slowed down—thank goodness for anti-lock brakes—and when it was safe, merged into the lane to our right.

It’s hard to imagine that one moment you could be cruising down the 405 and the next you could be on your way to the hospital, but that’s exactly what was going through my mind the moment following this near miss. I began to wonder what that phone call to my spouse would have been like or what would happen to my four children if they lost their father.  It was a very sobering thought, but one I couldn’t shake.

If there’s one thing in life you can be sure of, it’s that you will not live forever. Unfortunately, no one really knows when exactly their time comes.  That said, there are some things you can do now to prepare for this inevitability:

1. Discuss your wishes with your loved ones.

I realize that talking about life after someone passes away seems a bit morbid and depressing, but having to make decisions after the fact can be even worse. Let your loved one know that you would like to talk with them about some important things, (just don’t say, “We need to talk” as that could give the wrong impression) and set aside a time without distraction. Start the conversation by acknowledging that our physical bodies are not designed to live forever, and that you don’t want to talk necessarily about WHEN you will die, but rather HOW you would like to die.

2. Review your estate planning documents.

Following this conversation, you will want to create or review your estate planning documents to ensure that your wishes are carried through. These documents should include: a review of your beneficiary forms on your life insurance and retirement accounts (no matter what your will says, the beneficiary designation determines who gets those funds), a will so that probated assets (those that don’t have a joint owner or a beneficiary form) are distributed appropriately, a durable financial power of attorney so that financial transactions can be performed when you are unable to, and a healthcare directive which provides instructions for health and end-of-life care. Ask if your employer offers pre-paid legal services or basic estate planning services through an EAP.  If not, here are some ideas for finding an attorney.

3. Review your insurance coverage.

It is also important to review your current need for life and long-term care insurance to ensure that your loved ones are not financially strapped should something happen to you.  I know of at least two separate occasions when a young family was impacted by an unexpected loss. The first was my neighbor, who lost her husband while her son was still in high school. They had done little planning, and as a result she lost her home and has struggled.   The other was my mom, who lost my dad when I was a baby. In both cases, the loss was unexpected, but the outcomes have been quite different.

Perhaps that’s why I’m so sensitive to this topic. Don’t wait for a near-death experience to wake up to your need to plan. As the saying goes, tomorrow may be too late.