Why Guys Are Getting This New Dating Trend Totally Wrong

June 11, 2018

Have you heard the latest dating trend? You may have heard of ghosting and even stashing, but how about the millennial version of gold digging? Unlike the old version, this one is a bit of a reversal that mostly involves men looking to marry women who earn more than them to help pay off their debts.

Let’s put aside the usual concerns about marrying for financial reasons, and instead look at where these guys are getting it wrong. Even if you’re going to put money before love, there are much better things to look for than income:

1) Net worth

Keep in mind that many high income people live paycheck-to-paycheck and are often deep in debt themselves, whether from credit card spending or from the student loans they needed to get the degrees to earn those high incomes. (Women, in particular, hold most of the student loan debt.) If you’re looking for someone to help with your debts, you’re much better off looking for someone with a high net worth, which is their assets minus their liabilities.

The problem is that high net worths don’t always go along with the fanciest degrees or the most impressive sounding jobs. Wealthy people (or those on the way) often don’t wear expensive clothes or drive fancy cars either. That’s typically how they get wealthy in the first place. In fact, people who are truly rich also often try to hide it. In other words, you’ll actually have to take the time to get to know someone before you know their net worth.

2) Credit score

Of course, money isn’t the only thing that’s needed to make a relationship work. A Federal Reserve study found that people with higher credit scores were more likely to commit and stay committed to their relationships. This makes sense to me — one of the key components of credit scores is “committing” to paying your bills each month. If you can do that, you’re more likely to understand the trade-offs involved in committing to a relationship too.

Even more important may be finding someone with a similar credit score as yours. Research shows that people with huge differences in credit scores are more likely to break up. This may be because of the tension brought by the lower person’s score bringing down the couple’s average or because of the difference in personalities/money philosophies that it indicates, which brings us to…

3) Money philosophy

More important than income, net worth, or even their credit score, the single most important financial factor in a successful relationship is whether you have compatible money goals, philosophies, personalities, and values. What are your key financial goals? Are you more spontaneous or a planner when it comes to money? A saver or a spender? Do you want to keep your finances separate or together?

While not exactly first date conversation topics, it’s a good idea to discuss these things well before tying the knot. After all, what if your higher-income, financially successful partner doesn’t even want to help you pay down your debt? Dating shouldn’t be about digging for gold. It should be about finding someone who wants to dig with you.