How to Manage Financial Stress in a Chaotic World

June 03, 2016

Periodically, there are times I look at my daughter’s life and think it’s a great time to be her. Right about now is one of those times. She is doing a study-abroad session in Italy, and since I travel for work a lot and know my way around airports, she asked me to take her to the airport.

We live in Baltimore and we use BWI as our “home airport” so I am there quite frequently. I knew that her flight was booked from Philly instead of Baltimore, but when I put the trip into my calendar I simply typed “Take Jordan to Airport” in Outlook about two months ago. As time moved forward, the Philly part slipped my mind, and when I put her bags into my car, I immediately headed toward BWI. 

As we got to BWI, my daughter’s face went white, and she gasped “Why are we here?” (She had been texting her classmates and making sure that she had packed everything.) It was at that moment that I realized my error.

I needed to get to Philadelphia and FAST! I fired up my Waze app, drove well in excess of the speed limit and got her to Philadelphia well in time to get through TSA and customs well for her flight. It was not a stress-free endeavor, but all’s well that ends well. It ended well, so now I’m looking back wondering if there was anything that could have prevented my “stupid human tricks” or a lesson to be learned.

Once she was safely at her gate waiting to board her plane, we had a chance to recap our crazy mini-adventure and think about how it could have been a quicker and less stressful event. She could have reminded me that it was Philly because she knows I sometimes go on “auto pilot” because of a busy calendar. I could have been more descriptive in my Outlook calendar and done a quick check-in with her before leaving the house, saying “we’re off to BWI…correct?” Just a little bit better communication could have prevented a mini-crisis.

I see this with couples that I talk to on a regular basis. They are both working hard to earn their incomes, raise their kids and plan for the future – but sometimes things get missed in the chaos that is life in today’s world. Financial stress is one of the leading causes of marital disagreements and when it becomes too much to bear, it can frequently lead to divorce.

When one spouse handles the financial affairs and the other is completely disinterested and uninvolved is when I see the stress level being the highest with couples. The financial manager often feels unsupported and the financially uninvolved partner can feel powerless or at the mercy of the financial manager. There’s a simple way to avoid that. Weekly, bi-weekly or monthly financial meetings are a great financial management tool, can be done quickly and can keep two people on the same page.

Here’s all you need for a successful family financial meeting: a calendar (I love the ones from the mall kiosks that you see every year around the holidays), 10 minutes and a pen. Since I’m single, I schedule a financial meeting with myself every other Saturday. I pull out my calendar and using June 2016 as an example, will write my “Payday” on the 15^th and 30^th. I’ll write “mortgage” on the 1^st, “utilities” on the 22^nd and every other recurring bill that I have on the date that the bill is due. There are sometimes random bills that come up and aren’t in my monthly budget like car insurance, which I pay quarterly or doctor bills if one of my kids has had a visit recently.

When I see it all laid out on my financial calendar (I don’t put anything else on that calendar and I use my phone for all of my other calendars), it helps me stay on track. I’ve shown this system to some of my married friends and some couples that I’ve worked with to help them solve their financial stress. When they see how easy it is, they promise to try it.

I’ve heard from quite a few couples that both partners, the financial manager as well as the uninvolved one, feel much lower stress levels and the “fights about money” go away or are tremendously reduced after implementing this system. For anyone who is struggling with how to reduce the level of discord around your financial life, try this easy way to engage either yourself or your partner in a discussion about money. A calendar, 10 minutes and a pen are WAY less expensive than a divorce!