Don’t Lose Your Voice When It Comes to Your Finances

March 14, 2017

My husband loves cars. No, I mean he really, really, really loves cars. Whenever he is driving, our conversations will quickly go from what we are going to eat for lunch to the engine power on the vehicle next to him – often in the same sentence. 

I thought I was all alone, until my colleague, Vekevia, shared with me that her husband loves cars too. As we started talking, I wanted to share her wisdom on how to keep the peace in a household with very different interests, especially when one person manages the household finances. Below are her thoughts:

Some couples manage money together and other couples have one person who primarily manages the money. Usually, in cases where one spouse manages the finances for the family, that individual is more financially savvy or may just be better at handling that responsibility.  That makes sense.

It becomes an issue when either spouse, most likely the one not handling the finances, feels like their financial goals or desires are overlooked or not taken as seriously as the other spouse’s financial goals or desires. This is especially true when you just do not see eye to eye on the value of what either spouse holds dear. I handle the finances in our family and have had to learn to work with my husband so that we both feel heard.

My husband is an avid car lover and I don’t just mean that he enjoys seeing nice cars. No, his passion extends far beyond that. He is fascinated over how a car is designed and built. He cares about the horsepower and enjoys seeing how it performs.

Every year, we go to a well-known racetrack in our area to see other car enthusiasts show off what they’ve built and race each other. As you might suspect, this is not cheap. On average, the cost to build a car like what you would see at this type of event can sit close to six figures and annual maintenance after racing can fall in the five-figure range. Guess what? He wants to build one.

Initially, this was a problem for me because I do not value cars the way he does. I just like when a car is visually appealing, dependable.…and INEXPENSIVE! The good news is that we are compromising and he plans to build a much less expensive car, but the financial planner in me wants to scream. Cars are depreciating assets that lose value rapidly over time.

However, my husband’s passion for cars, as expensive as it may be, holds a value that I can’t technically plug into my calculator and put down on paper. It would mean a lot to him for his dream to become a reality at some point this lifetime.  I value him and his happiness. Life is short and you only live once.

Being financially healthy doesn’t mean denying yourself the things you’re passionate about just because of cost. It’s about fitting your passions into your budget. Sometimes, you may have to find ways to make more money or decrease your expenses. We’ve chosen to fit building a car into our budget, not at the sacrifice of keeping a roof over our head, saving for our son’s college, or being able to retire, but it’s important, so it’s there.

Are you in a similar situation with your spouse? Here are some tips to show your spouse he/she has a voice in your finances:

• Have an open conversation about your financial passions or dreams.
• Decide what you value most. (You may have to choose 1 or 2 passions each this go around and take on the others in your next lifetime.)
• Calculate how much you need to save for other financial priorities like retirement and funding your kid’s education.
• Estimate the cost of making it all a reality.
• Determine if your current income can carry the cost.
• Seek opportunities to increase your income. That might mean pursuing a degree to make a career change, going for a higher paying position, or taking on a second job for extra income.

Realize that the cost of something is important, but so is the way your partner feels when you are willing to acknowledge and support his/her interests. You both should have a voice in your finances and work together to set up a feasible plan to make your dreams become a reality.