How I Coped With My Husband’s Unexpected Death

July 31, 2015

It seems like yesterday but I know that’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I’m approaching the ten year anniversary of my husband’s death but at times it still seems like it happened yesterday. I’ve learned so much about myself, other people and life these past ten years. My hope is that this has not been in vain and my story can help someone else.

My husband was only 40 years old and seemingly in great health when he suddenly collapsed and died on a hot summer afternoon. In the blink of an eye, I was a young widow with two little kids. I was working part-time since we had recently moved for his new job, which required him to travel for long stretches of time.

Not only did I lose my best friend and father of my children, but also our source of income and health insurance. The following years were dark and extremely difficult. I felt lost and alone even though many good people were around me. Now however I can look back and see some of the lessons that I’ve learned.

Hope for the best but plan for the worst

We knew several families where one spouse died unexpectedly and left the family financially devastated so we were determined not to make that mistake. Soon after our twin daughters were born, we met with an insurance agent and bought term life insurance for both of us. As my husband’s career and income grew, he increased the amount of coverage through his employer.

This strategy was a cost-effective way to protect our family against the unlikely odds that he would die young. Thankfully, we had the discipline to do this. Now our family has the financial resources to maintain our lifestyle and meet our goals of paying for our daughters’ college education.

Lesson: It’s never fun to talk about death but it’s something we all need to prepare for. If you have someone dependent upon your ability to work, buy enough life insurance to replace your income. This calculator can help you determine how much is needed then check with your employer to determine how much supplemental insurance you can purchase there.  Most times, it is more cost-effective to buy a standalone policy and then supplement the rest with your employer’s group coverage.

Get help

I have an engineering degree and had been in the financial services industry for 4 years, but I struggled to help my daughters complete their 5th grade math homework after Larry died. I was unusually forgetful and felt like I was in a dense fog. It was clear that I needed professional help, emotionally and financially, so I found doctors to help me and my daughters deal with our tragedy. Fortunately, I worked for some amazing financial planners and they helped me set up my finances for the long term.

Lesson: Don’t let pride stand in your way of recovery. We were never meant to do life alone. Sometimes we get hit with a curve ball and the smartest thing we can do is get assistance. Check with your HR department to learn about your employee assistance program. Most offer free initial counseling sessions and referrals to local professionals for longer term assistance.

Ask the local Salvation Army, Red Cross or large local churches for assistance with immediate financial needs. If you are overwhelmed with debt, contact a non-profit credit counseling service affiliated with the NFCC to help you develop a strategy for unloading that burden. And if you need financial advice, look for a fee-based CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER(TM) professional who has the credentials, training and experience to guide you towards your goals.

The journey begins with the first step

I didn’t want life to continue after my husband died. I couldn’t imagine how I’d make it through the week let alone Christmas, the kids’ birthdays and our anniversary. Those days were excruciating but I learned that it was better to face the situation than hide from it.

A friend suggested that I plan constructive activities on the tough days and create new, happy memories and so that’s what I did. My daughters and I choose to celebrate Larry’s birthday (and not his death) by baking a German Chocolate cake from scratch – his favorite. We then share the cake with friends and family and laugh the time away telling funny stories.

Lesson: Life can knock you flat on your back. Spend time there for a moment to gather your wits, then get up and take a step forward. If you are struggling with debt and cash flow, set up a budget using Mint or YNAB.  Then choose a debt repayment strategy such as the “debt snowball” method or paying the highest interest rate debt first. Even applying an extra $25 a month is a big step forward!

Be open to new adventures

Three years later, I was presented with an opportunity to go back to school. I was intrigued but didn’t think it was the right time. A good friend told me, “In five years you will be five years older but what will you be able to say you accomplished? Might as well say that you did this!”

Well, I took her challenge, completed my studies and earned my CFP® designation. Along the way, I have met so many new people and find myself doing what I absolutely love here at Financial Finesse. I found my professional calling and wouldn’t have been here if it hadn’t been for my friend’s prompting and my willingness to go in a new direction.

Lesson: Try something new today. Join a book club. Go to that belly dancing class. Determine if your employer has a tuition assistance program and take a college course. Prioritize your savings so you can nurture your passions and do the things you’ve always wanted to do.

I would never volunteer for the pain my family experienced with Larry’s passing. However, I know we are stronger and more compassionate because of our journey. We’ll open a bottle of fine wine, toast the man we knew and loved, shed a few tears and then laugh the evening away with old stories and talk of new adventures. Happy anniversary!

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The Value of Your EAP Program

June 09, 2015

Years ago when I was pregnant, I was a nervous wreck. I did what every pregnant woman should not do. I found every article I could on every worse-case scenario imaginable about daycare. Continue reading “The Value of Your EAP Program”

The Importance Of Reading The Fine Print Of A Lease

February 06, 2015

My twin daughters are sophomores at Ohio State University and decided to move off campus for their junior year. This is a rite of passage for college students and my girls are very excited to live with four of their friends in a restored, old house about three blocks from campus. After a fast and furious search, all the kids fell in love with this house, verbally agreed to rent it, and some even signed the rental agreement on the spot.

My daughters called me in a panic and wanted me to sign the parental section “RIGHT NOW!” Hold up! We aren’t Congress –we are going to read the contract before signing it. Based on this experience, here are a few lessons that my daughters learned:

  1. Read the fine print.
  2. Get it in writing.
  3. If you don’t understand it, find help.
  4. Be prepared to walk away.

Read the fine print. Once I received a copy of the lease, I read a section buried in the middle that said,“The property must be show ready at all times.  If not, there will be a $50 fine. This means beds made, no clothes on the floor, no dishes in the sink and the grass cut.”

Wait, what? I can’t speak for the other four kids but I know my daughters can be complete slobs (in spite of their upbringing). I asked my daughters about this clause and neither one knew it was in there! What are the odds that six 20-year old college students are going to keep their place “show ready?” Which leads to the next point…

Get it in writing. I insisted that my daughters understand what that clause means. Does the landlord expect the place to be this way all the time or just when he’s trying to rent it out? Will he give notice before showing up? Will the fine be assessed per occasion or infraction?

For example, if someone left dishes in the sink and another person’s room looked like a tornado hit, does that cost $50 or $100? This wasn’t clear in the lease so they asked the landlord to clarify it in an addendum.  I also insisted that all the roommates understand this clause and how it will affect them. As unrealistic as I think this is, all the roommates agreed to this clause and signed an agreement among themselves that they will hold up their end of the bargain.

If you don’t understand it, find help. After my daughters saw that clause, they went back and truly read the lease. For the most part, it was self-explanatory, however they had several questions. Luckily, I’ve read my fair share of leases and other legal documents so I could explain the terms and walk my daughters’ through the meaning behind the legalese.

But what if I didn’t understand something? One resource is my company’s EAP which has a free legal service. I have the option of a free 30-minute consultation and if I need more specific help, I can be referred to a local attorney at a reduced rate.

Lastly, after reading the lease, I thought the kids should walk away and find another house to rent. They all felt differently and really believe this will be a great experience. Time will tell, but I see this as an important life lesson. My girls now realize that they must read and understand a document before they sign it. Soon they will learn that friends don’t always make good roommates, but that’s another story!

Want more helpful financial guidance, delivered every day? Sign up to receive the Financial Finesse Tip of the Day, written by financial planners who work with people like you every day. No sales pitch EVER (being unbiased is the foundation of what we do), just the best our awesome planners have to offer. Click here to join.

Your Best Financial Services Provider Might Be Your Employer

February 03, 2015

It always amazes me how people overlook their employee benefits and will pay out-of-pocket for what they can in some cases, get for free. Years ago, I worked with a couple in which the wife was diagnosed with breast cancer about 5 years ago but thankfully, is in remission. They were trying to get their estate plan in order and had hired their friend’s attorney to help them. Several thousand dollars later, they wondered if they made the right choice. Since I am not an attorney, I would never give legal advice, but I had to admit to them that considering the simplicity of their estate and wishes, they had an amazingly complex plan. Continue reading “Your Best Financial Services Provider Might Be Your Employer”

The Right Ingredients for Overcoming Debt

June 06, 2012

Although there are some that say the recession is behind us, there are still others that are continuing to deal with its effects. I recently had an opportunity to speak with a gentleman who finds himself behind the 8 ball when it comes to debt. This is not the first time I’ve received a call like this, nor will it be the last, but what makes this particular call stand out is the way this person has decided to approach the situation. His attitude and determination should be a lesson to us all. Here is his story: Continue reading “The Right Ingredients for Overcoming Debt”