How To Break Old Money Cycles When You’re The First In Your Family To ‘Make It’
March 07, 2019I recently read an interesting study about the psychological impact of what it means to be the first in your family to “make it.” This particular study focused on being the first to go to college, but the concepts also translate into what someone may deal with mentally when they are the first in their family to land a career, buy a home, etc. – accomplishments that many would classify as “making it.”
The study points out that the transition to college for many low-income and first-generation students is also a transition in their social class. If you’re one of the first in your family to “make it,” you probably know that new challenges and questions often arise. Do you ever find yourself thinking things like:
- “I don’t belong here…”
- “Am I cut out for this?”
- “My family thinks I think I’m too good for them now.”
- “I don’t know how to relate to my campus peers, they live a completely different life than me.”
- “I’m too nervous to talk with my professor.”
- Or any other number of thoughts that it can feel like no one else is thinking but you…
The impact on financial choices
These are totally normal thoughts to have, in fact. The thing that always makes me sad is seeing someone who’s done all the work to boost themselves toward a better life, and yet they are unable to boost themselves into the next level of financial security because they’re caught in old money cycles passed down through generations.
The mental impact of being the one that “made it” can affect your financial choices and not in a good way. You might be the first in your family to earn a degree or land a decent paying job, better yet a career. Or maybe you did both? Earned a degree AND landed a career, making more and doing more than those you’ve spent your entire life with.
That can feel weird. AND because that feels weird, you might think “I don’t know what to do with this, considering no one I know can tell me because they’ve never been here before.”
So, maybe you make the extra pay, but don’t save it. You have seen people live paycheck to paycheck and that’s a behavior you’re familiar with, so you do the same. Not because you don’t make enough to do better. You do it out of habit. Out of familiarity.
AND, since you made it, don’t you owe them everything anyway?
It’s easy to think that, especially if you’re hearing that from your loved ones. If you feel like you have to share it in some way, check out the ideas in this article called Ways To Help Others Without Hurting Your Own Finances.
If, on the other hand, you’re worried that keeping a closed hand could lead to losing everything you’ve worked so hard for, that’s fine, just don’t go to extremes. It’s easy to think (or hear from others) that you have a responsibility to give it all away. It’s fine to share, but take care of you too. Learning how to fit tithing into your other financial priorities can help. And there’s some merit to sharing: there are ways that giving your money away may actually improve your budget.
Getting your finances on the right track
To get started and figure out what the right track is, try these 5 steps to determine your financial priorities. If you have a financial coaching benefit at work, this is a great time to reach out to them and get some assistance.
No shame, no blame
“Making it” can be stressful so please don’t waste your precious energy on not having everything figured out. Reach out for help and don’t worry about getting your finances in order first. That would be like waiting until you’re healthy before going to the doctor.
Congrats on making it this far! Getting your finances in order will help push you and your family even further!