How To Make Sure Your ‘Non-Money’ Spouse Is OK With Your Finances

November 20, 2018

One theme I have noticed when talking with some married people (most often women but not always), is one person being uncomfortable with their finances but not knowing what to do about it. These are couples who are saving, but most of the money including retirement funds and assets in general (like the house) are in the other spouse’s name.

In some cases the wife is concerned because she either hasn’t worked at all, worked off and on, or worked but made significantly less income than her spouse. Other times, they are not comfortable with how their husband is managing their funds. They also feel like the financial advisor they are using is only focused on relating to the husband and meeting his goals, which makes the wife feel left out and vulnerable – this becomes especially concerning when the husband passes away and leaves her to manage the finances (with a stranger as an advisor) for the first time.

This really can be the situation, no matter the gender. It’s not so much that the money managing spouse is intentionally leaving the other spouse out (that’s a whole separate issue), it’s usually more that he/she doesn’t know how to share the duties in a way that makes sense. Sometimes the other spouse simply isn’t interested or when you’re busy running your life, it’s often easier for one person to take on the money while the other tackles other equally important areas of life.

How to make sure your ‘non-money’ spouse is ok

Has your spouse expressed these feelings with you? OR if your spouse hasn’t said anything and you do run the show, it may be time to take a temperature check and initiate a conversation to see where he/she stands. If you’re the spouse with most of the assets in your name, or you are the sole/majority income earner for the family or you manage your family’s finances all on your own, here are some questions to ask that can help your spouse feel more involved and at ease.

Do you need more retirement savings in your spouse’s name?

This easily happens when one spouse far out-earns the other, but there are ways to get at least some retirement savings into the lower (or non) earning spouse’s name:

1) Your spouse can increase his/her retirement plan contributions at work – you may have to balance out cash flow another way.

2) Increase contributions to your spouse’s IRA (or spousal IRA if your spouse isn’t working).

Does your spouse feel uncomfortable having to ask for spending money?

There are ways to get around this no matter who earns what, you just have to remember that you’re both on the same team to try and avoid money fights.

1) Transfer a certain amount of funds each paycheck to an account for your spouse to spend without having to ask for permission.

2) Set up money dates so that your spouse has the opportunity to help make major financial decisions.

Do you have a plan that you’re both comfortable with should you unable to work?

This is a common fear that’s expressed by non-earning or lower-earning spouses that’s completely legitimate. You need a plan in case the worst happens.

1) Talk about what this would look like and understand how your ability to cover your expenses, keep up the same lifestyle, etc., might change. Would your spouse need to go back to work? Are you both making sure your spouse takes time to keep his/her skill set current so that transitioning back into the workforce wouldn’t be as difficult?

2) Disability insurance is extremely important to protect your family and to keep you on track in the event you find yourself unable to work due to a disability. Everyone needs this, but it’s especially important when a family is heavily reliant on one income. 

Does your spouse agree with the way you invest in your accounts?

Typically, one spouse is more aggressive than the other, but because the more aggressive spouse also manages the finances for the household, they ultimately end up making the decision. There’s a balance.

1) Find out both of your investment preferences and take that into account when making decisions. If you are vastly different and you feel that your spouse’s conservative nature could seriously compromise your long-term goals, perhaps he/she can invest more conservatively in his/her own accounts while you maintain a more aggressive mix in your own and joint accounts.

Does your financial advisor make sure that he/she understands your spouse’s needs and goals?

Make sure you’re getting value for what you’re paying your advisor – the best ones know how to balance couples who have differing interest and knowledge levels and ensure that both partners feel comfortable and heard.

1) Include your spouse in on all or at least annual meetings with your advisor.

2) If your advisor and your spouse just don’t click, it might be time to look for a new one.

Is your spouse comfortable he/she will be able to make ends meet if you were to pass away?

No one likes to have these conversations, but they are necessary for your spouse to feel more comfortable with you being the “money spouse.”

1) Discuss what income sources will be available to help your spouse continue meeting their monthly financial needs.

2) Discuss and create a plan to help your spouse still reach financial goals that you two have decided on.

Is everything titled in the most advantageous way?

Is your spouse’s name on the assets you both technically “own” or is everything in your name? It’s a good idea to make sure that the titling of things like your home, vehicles and even bank accounts is the best way to have it legally set up. You’ll also want to make sure that the two of you on the same page with that.

Don’t wait for your spouse to speak up

“Non-money” spouses don’t always express concerns they have about the family’s financial picture. They sometimes have questions that they don’t want to bring up or really don’t know how to initiate the conversation. Try letting this guide your discussion and at least provide an opportunity for conversation, a chance to address any concerns, and make sure you have a solid plan in place.