Why My 2018 Intention Is To ‘Always Be Me’

December 25, 2017

Note from the editor: As we round out 2017, many people will be setting goals and intentions for the year ahead. To help with that, our blog team will be sharing their take on goals throughout the week — we all have a different opinion! We hope you enjoy hearing how each of us approaches the idea of goal-setting and New Year’s resolutions. From Cynthia:

Every New Year, I set intentions for the coming 12 months. I’ve been doing this for more than half my life. When I first began doing this, I set personal guidelines, such as “use the power for good,” or “express my gratitude.” More recently, I’ve set annual themes for qualities I wanted to cultivate, such as patient or acceptance. This approach of setting intentions has always worked for me – there’s a magic power in writing down my goals.

Keeping it simple

This year I am simplifying. I’m not setting multiple intentions. For 2018, my primary goal is to, “always be Cynthia.”

Finding myself again

What does that mean, exactly? Aren’t I myself already? Well, sure I am, but lately I’ve been thinking that I’m no longer the most interesting version of myself. I spend a lot of time fulfilling external expectations – work, family, etc. That’s certainly no surprise from someone who’s an Obliger. Not to mention that balancing competing priorities is a challenge for working parents of school-age children everywhere. Flexibility and compromise are essential. I’ve been balancing competing external priorities, but I’ve lost track of some of myself in the process.

Here’s how I plan to return to what feels more “me.”

Focus on strengths

When I use my strengths at home and at work, I’m in the flow: I get more done with less effort, and have more fun doing it. Life’s too short to spend the majority of time doing things I don’t enjoy.

That’s why in 2018 I plan to make some changes in how I manage my money and investments:

I can get bamboozled by the pile of paper which arrives in my mailbox every day (see the story of my paper struggle.) How to be Cynthia? Don’t sweat the pile on my desk in my otherwise tidy office. After all, a messy desk can be sign of genius.
I’m considering moving my investments from a mostly active to a mostly passive investing approach. I may have the CFA® charter, but I don’t like to watch the market every day, so I am highly unlikely to beat market averages. Does this mean I will move my accounts from the full service brokerage firm where they are now? Maybe. I’ll keep you posted.
I like to put together detailed budget spreadsheet where every dollar has a specific job. My husband likes a shorter one, with broader categories, as he easily keeps track of our financial life in his head (he’s a math guy.) The solution? Discuss the summary together but keep a more detailed one for my own use. That way we can put together a spending plan that fits both our personalities.

Don’t wait for permission

I shouldn’t need permission to be Cynthia, so why do I sometimes wait for it? Is it all those years of Catholic school? Is it a generational thing (I’m a younger Boomer, part of Generation Credit)? Carl Richards calls the difference between things you’ve done and the things you’ve always wanted to do the Permission Gap.

What would I do if I gave myself permission? I’d certainly prioritize things that get me out of the house (feeling cooped up is a hazard of working at home): walking in nature, yoga classes, plays and concerts, dinner out with friends, language classes, etc. What does this mean for our finances?

I need to set aside more money for babysitting expenses. That should be relatively easy to do. I have wiggle room in our food budget, especially by cutting down on sushi or Chinese takeout orders. I can also try Kelley Long’s absolutely brilliant hack for saving on food expenses.
I have to budget more time for fun and exercise. This is such a hard one for me. Kids, husband and work always seem to come first. My colleague Doug Spencer (a fellow Obliger) holds himself accountable by prepaying/prescheduling his workouts at Orangetheory. My goal is to find a similar hack which works for me.
Where can I find more time to write? I keep a running list of blog ideas, LinkedIn posts and book topics just begging to be written. Where can I find writing time in a day crammed with responsibilities? What about the hour or so I spend reading 3-6 news outlets daily? While that habit made sense when I worked in politics, the world does not depend on me being up to the minute on current events. It’s time to give up this habit.

Expect to be challenged

Now that I’ve set my intention to always be Cynthia for 2018, I expect that the challenges to living that intention will increase in volume! For example, when I turned forty I decided that my theme for the year was “be patient.” Needless to say the year will filled with unexpected challenges to try my patience. I was given many chances to practice patience. I did, in fact, learn to be far more patient, but it was a hard year.

The upshot? By the time I had my first biological child at age 41, I was a patient person – a useful quality for parenting. Well, patient for someone who’s from NY, anyway. This year I don’t know what’s coming to challenge me, but embracing the challenges will help be me.

How will I stay accountable?

Author Gretchen Rubin, who writes about happiness and habits, recommends setting up outer accountability. She’s got some good ideas here, including creating an accountability group. I know some other time-stretched moms who might want to support each other in being ourselves. As I’ve written before about Rubin’s work, understanding your personality can change your life. One of the ways I’ll stay accountable to this intention is by writing about it, thus letting everyone know I’m working on this.

Don’t hesitate to hold my feet to the fire!

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