Have Financial Secrets? Why You Should Just Let It All Out

March 10, 2017

One of my crazy theories of life is that talking to others about your financial life is more intimate and personal than talking about any other topic in life. I have been at holiday parties in the past and learned within minutes of meeting someone that they are unhappily married and having an affair.  To test that theory, I have asked about that individual’s job, ballpark annual earnings and amount of debt – only to be told that those questions were far too personal. I explained that I wasn’t being a jerk. I was testing a theory about money being a more intimate subject than intimacy, and they laughed and agreed.

When I read this article about financial secrets women haven’t shared with their closest of friends, it didn’t surprise me. In my role here at Financial Finesse, I routinely hear people tell me that they are coming to me for guidance and direction before they admit their financial secrets to their spouse. In the article, one woman admits to being broke from divorce, one has $100k in student loans, another has a credit card problem, one has no savings, one says her credit score sucks, another says that childcare eats up everything she earns and the last one has been unemployed for two years.  These are all issues that I’ve talked with people about over the course of time and helped them develop solutions, but without that initial conversation, the problem remains in the shadows and creates unnecessary tension and stress.

When I’ve had these conversations with people, the overwhelming emotion at the end of the conversation is relief. They feel like they’ve been able to unburden themselves in a safe environment with someone who won’t judge them and who will work with them to help find a way out of the situation.  Often, the burden of carrying a secret is worse than the actual secret. Apparently, the old political phrase “the cover up is worse than the crime” has a financial corollary.

If you’re walking around with a secret in your financial life that makes you feel like you carry a heavy weight on your shoulders, do yourself the favor of talking to a financial professional about it. Getting the secret out is the first step. From there, a plan can be put in place – regardless of what your financial burden is – to make progress.

You will be surprised by how liberating it is to just share the secret. (One of my favorite art projects ever is Post Secret, where people share life secrets anonymously and countless suicides have been prevented). That’s the first step in resolving the issue. So get out there and ask for help – whether your issue is credit card debt or trying to figure out how to minimize the tax burden on the sale of a big block of Snapchat stock. It’s a sign of wisdom, not weakness, to get help where help is needed.