How To Attend Every Wedding This Year Without Going Broke

April 24, 2018

I was chatting with one of our Client Service Managers, Cassie Brunelle, about how expensive it can be to have great friends in your 20’s — everyone’s either getting married or celebrating milestone birthdays, and these days that involves a lot more than just showing up to a hotel ballroom with a gift off the couple’s registry. Cassie may not be a financial coach, but she’s a great role model for everyone else in showing that you can make it to all of these events without compromising your other goals like paying off debt, building up your emergency fund and capturing your full match at work. Here’s how she’s doing it this year:

Like many people my age (mid-late twenties) the era of weddings has set in full force. Not just attending weddings, but being involved in them as a member of the bridal party, while also attending and planning bach trips and occasionally the bridal or couples shower. Between May 2017-October 2018, I will have attended 7 weddings, 4 bachelorette weekends, 3 engagement parties, and 2 bridal showers, four of which I will have been a bridesmaid.

Adding up the costs

The dollars amounts attached to these events can sometimes feel completely ridiculous, but is there a real price tag on an unforgettable weekend celebrating with your friends? Yes there is, but the question is, is it worth it?

In my case, I have successfully justified the expenses, but at what cost? I have had to forgo some other plans and adjust my timeline to some personal financial goals to make it work, but I’ve also employed a number of tactics, tips, and reminders that I’ve compiled below to keep me from having to get a roommate or take on high interest credit card debt.

How I’m avoiding FOMO without taking on massive debt

If you’re reading this and you’re like me, and want to support your friends as they enter a new chapter (and also just don’t want to miss out on a weekend full of memories), then I hope you use some of these ideas to make it a little easier on yourself.

1. How to save when you’re in the bridal party

Being a bridesmaid/groomsman is an honor, but also comes with a commitment to be there for various events, to purchase a particular dress or suit, provide emotional support, and be a team player whether that be setting up and breaking down parts of the wedding or reception, running last minute errands, or making sure the bride/groom eats something (and doesn’t overindulge). Here’s how I’ve been able to do this on a budget:

Buy second hand. Yes, you might actually be able to find the dress the bride chose without having to buy it off the rack. Most designer bridesmaid dresses have triple digit price tags, and for a dress you will likely wear once, that can be tough money to spend. I’ve used sites like Tradesy, Poshmark, and Bridesmaid Trade to find the same dress that someone else had to buy and wear once. You have to pay close attention to the details, such as color and sizing (since you can’t return), and make sure there is no obvious wear and tear, but it can save you a ton. The upside is also you can resell your dress on these sites after the wedding too.
Do your own hair and makeup. The beauty bill attached to being a bridesmaid can easily reach $300 between hair, makeup, nails, a spray tan, and other grooming, just for one weekend! To avoid this, I’ve planned my haircut/color appointments to occur right before I have these events and have also invested in some high quality makeup, nail polish, and hair tools that I can travel with and do my own hair, makeup and nails. So instead of paying $300 per wedding, I invested around that same amount into products and hair appointments to last me through three weddings.
Have real conversations with the bride/groom. You may see a different side of your friend when it comes to wedding planning. For some it’s emotional and overwhelming, and sometimes they may feel unheard especially if their respective families are very involved. It’s important to have a real conversation of what they expect from their bridal party, and perhaps what areas they are flexible so you know what won’t disappoint them. Be realistic with what you can commit to and understand that it’s better to be honest from the beginning than hold onto resentment through various events that are meant to be fun!
Reduce the extra. I’ve seen bach parties quickly spiral into too much decor, too much food, and in rare cases, too much alcohol. If you are attending a bach weekend, something my friends have instilled is that everyone contributes something — it can be a game, decorations, party favors, or planning some activity, but this takes the onus off one person (usually the maid of honor/best man) and helps spread the love (and the cost). If we are purchasing something that we expect others to chip in (either an activity, personalized hats, or tattoos with the groom’s face on them) that expense needs to be approved by the group. We have tried to stay in homes or Airbnbs as much as possible so we can make meals at the house and split a grocery bill instead of splitting meals at restaurants.

2. Saving on travel and accommodations

If you are like me and you have to travel to the majority of these weddings, which includes the cost of airfare and hotel, here a few money saving tips:

Get used to sharing. Hotel blocks for weddings can be expensive, so sharing rooms with friends is a great way to reduce costs. If you want to forgo the hotel (which can have added costs with amenities and late night room service), booking a large Airbnb to share with friends is a great way to reduce the expense and spend time together. There’s usually a kitchen too, so meals can be prepared instead of ordering from restaurants.
Use your credit card points. If you know you have travel coming up, find a credit card that will earn you bonus miles for opening the account (be careful here as there is always a minimum amount to spend in order to earn the miles, and watch out for fees). Whether you have a card with a specific airline or one that earns you miles, it can be advantageous to stockpile these points to use for wedding related travel. It’s important to be mindful that these cards often carry higher interest rates, so make sure whatever expenses you put on the card are within your budget to pay off each month.
Stay with friends! Typically the bride and groom get married in one of their hometowns, which can mean free rooms to stay in should you want to forgo a hotel or Airbnb.
Plan ahead. Try to get as many details as possible for destination weddings and jump on booking a hotel or Airbnb ASAP, and try not to procrastinate booking flights. My friend group has booked places 6 months in advance so we can break up our payments into 2 or 3 chunks instead of having a larger expense all at once. You’ll be prepared and have peace of mind knowing when you arrive that the payment has already been taken care of.
Book your flights with arrival times in mind! Reduce the cost of Uber/Lyft from the airport by arriving at the same time as other guests. Airports can be far from the destination hotel so if you are traveling alone, try to link up with at least one person at the airport so you can avoid the trek alone, and if you are in an urban area you can take public transit together.

3. Other areas you can save

Gifting. Sometimes it can feel like a lot to travel for a wedding, buy a new outfit, pay to stay somewhere, and get the bride and groom a gift. Group gifts are great because each person can contribute the amount they are comfortable with toward either a gift card or toward a larger gift such as a grill, couch, or personalized decor. Or if you simply can’t afford it all, take advantage of the one-year rule, which gives you up to one year to send a gift to newlyweds and still consider it timely.
Buy a good pair of (neutral) dancing shoes. Having versatile outfits and a good pair of shoes will make it easier to pack for each wedding, and if you only have to buy one pair of good shoes to wear to every wedding, it will be a worthy investment.
Have an accountability partner. Am I the only one guilty of feeling more generous than usual during wedding season? Especially if it involves traveling and seeing friends I haven’t seen in awhile, the splitting of bills and rounds of drinks can get a little messy. This is where Venmo is a great in the moment way to make sure you don’t get stuck with the entire bill, and having someone remind you that maybe you don’t need to buy a round at the after-party just because you’re drunk with love for everyone in the room. Leaving your credit cards behind and carrying cash can help combat this impulse. I’ve made a plan for wedding weekends that involve multiple nights of fun and spending to have a friend to check in with on our spending; no one wants to see those surprise charges on their credit card the next morning.
Remember you can say no. I know it can be very hard to decline an invite to a wedding, bachelorette party or other event related to an impending marriage, but you still can in a tactful and clear way. It’s a delicate balance of being there for your friends and also doing what’s best for you. Having a clear conversation up front should your friend ask you to be in the wedding party or play any role that puts a financial commitment on you is important in setting boundaries and managing expectations.
If you want to really be there for your friend, but know it will cause you undue stress because of other commitments in your life (maybe you’re planning a wedding for yourself!) be realistic with your loved one up front. If you’re not, it can lead to resentment and misunderstanding in the future, and you don’t want to lose a friend over events that are meant to be joyous and fun.

These are just the things I’ve done, but here are tons of other tips for saving as a wedding guest from Refinery 29, Money Crashers, Loverly, and even the NY Times.

Just know that you’re not alone, and take some extra time to find little ways to save. Life can get busy, and missing out on big events can be a bummer so preparation, planning ahead, and voicing any concerns up front will help you have the most fun celebrating with your friends this year!