Money Messages and How We Harm Ourselves
December 13, 2013I read this article today and found it very interesting. I spend a lot of time talking to people about their financial lives and I often see some of the behaviors/attitudes discussed in the article. Money freaks people out.
I’ve heard people say “I’m horrible with money,” “I’m living paycheck to paycheck and probably always will,”“I take 1 step forward and then 2 steps back” and other negative messages around their financial lives. There are so many negative thoughts floating around out there that it is a little scary for the people on the financial planner’s side of the desk. This quote from the article “St. John says there is a huge stigma around money, and that gathering wealth is looked upon as bad thing across much of consumer culture. If you adopt that view, though, you could be damaging your own lifelong financial prospects.” That quote resonated with me because from what I’ve seen, it’s so very true.
Messages we send and relationships we have, whether it be friends and family or ourselves regarding financial matters, have impact. If we send positive messages and treat these relationships/messages with care, the relationships can be positive. If not, how could there be any expectation of successful relationships or financial success? So…what are some of the messages that are out there and what can you do to change them?
1. Linking money with trouble. Too many people worry about what they don’t have and believe that money can do nothing but create problems. They seem resigned to living paycheck to paycheck and see crisis looming everywhere. A shift in attitude, moving to a mindset of being thankful for what you do have rather than worried about what you don’t have, combined with some behavioral changes (setting up a savings account and having a small deposit with each paycheck) can bust this negative mental cycle.
2. Worrying about success. People worry that if they become successful, it won’t be lasting and that they’ll be worse off later because they’ve now tasted “the good life” and failure after that would be even more painful. So, they don’t even try to succeed financially. To combat this seemingly irrational concern, set goals, aim high, give yourself permission to want success and experience it. In my experience with people, those who experience success tend to continue on that path and one success leads to multiple successes. Allow yourself to enjoy it and keep working toward your goals.
3. Being generous with others but miserly with yourself. I see this a lot in my meetings with people. They are struggling to pay bills and are behind on rent and utility bills, yet dole out money to family members, friends and people who they feel have less than they do. So, they skip meals, don’t do anything for themselves, and get further behind in their financial lives while generously helping others.
I’m a fan of having a big heart and helping others, but not to your own detriment. Eventually, this behavior leads to a resentment of those being helped and mental fatigue that could lead to burnout. If this is you, what can you do to stop this downward spiral?
In order to be healthy and able to help others, you must first be able to help yourself. Get your own financial house in order and then allow your charitable spirit to help others AFTER your bills are paid and you’ve made a deposit into your savings account. Strengthening your financial life will strengthen your ability to give to others for the rest of your life.
4. Hanging around with people who “fail” with money. We tend to gravitate toward people who have similar interests as ourselves. I still hang out with a bunch of my old rugby buddies and work friends and many of my friends are at roughly the same financial place in their lives. That’s true for most people. If we surround ourselves with people who don’t understand money or have negative messages around money, it’s easy to be like them. Spending less time with them and more time with people who understand money and have a healthy view of finances can help us stay on track.
But, how do you make that change? If you find yourself in a conversation about how tough things are, about how financial matters are difficult, you can be a change agent in your social circle. There are so many financial books and classes (Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, Clark Howard, etc.) that are widely available and easy to digest, and you could be a group leader for your circle of friends. That, or consider making new friends who are more successful with their financial habits!
The things we tell ourselves, the behaviors we have, and the people we call friends all have the ability to lift your financial life upward or bring your financial life down. Which direction is your financial life going? Which way do you want it to go? What are you doing to make it better?
The power to make things better lies inside you. I’ve written this before and I’m sure I’ll write it again. You have two choices. You can make excuses or you can make progress. Which path will you take?