How to Deal With Adversity
November 18, 2016As I type this, I’m watching protests in the streets of several US cities and hoping that the protests remain peaceful. In my lifetime, I’ve never seen election results trigger this type of reaction. Whether it’s spontaneous or planned and well-funded is something that I’ll let the political talking heads debate. I’m also seeing college students being given the opportunity to skip exams and classes while they process the election results, which I find to be a bit ridiculous.
A huge chunk of life is about dealing with adversity and these kids are being taught by their institutions of “higher learning” that they don’t have to deal with it. As a person who has had to deal with many adversities over the course of my lifetime (it doesn’t make me special, it makes me human!), I have some rules to live by that make sense (to me) to put into place when things don’t go your way. These rules work when your candidate loses an election, when you lose a loved one, if you get swept up in a layoff, or if you tear your ACL pretending to be 20-something and taking on a physical challenge (not that I’d EVER do that):
1) Remember that this adversity is only temporary! If the person just elected doesn’t do a good job, he or she can be removed in 4 years. Most obstacles in life can be overcome, and for those that can’t, we learn to dull the immediate pain and find a new path to our goals.
2) Look at the small picture for a change. When I see something going on in the world that I can’t control, like the events of 9/11, I stop looking at the big picture and start to narrow the things I give time and attention to. I felt helpless to do anything on a large scale after 9/11, so my focus went to being the best father I could be. I spent extra time and attention getting my kids out of the house and into nature and talking about life. Sometimes those conversations got serious, but mostly we told stories, laughed and were reminded that while the world was a bit scary, our little circle was in great shape.
3) Focus on your personal goals, write them down and revisit them frequently. I have a few different “goal lists.” I have them for my work life, my personal life and my fitness level.
When I’m at my best, I look at these goals every day or every 2-3 days at worst. It helps remind me about what’s important in my life and that I can have a big impact on myself. That’s a much bigger level of influence than I can have on an election or similar obstacle. Remembering what’s important and having actionable steps to take in your own life is a great respite from the events of the world.
4) Give yourself a “time out” from technology. Unless your obstacle is a job loss, which requires a lot of the job search to be done via technology, shutting off the TV, Facebook, Twitter, etc is a wonderful idea. Your time is the most precious resource you have, so give the time that you’d normally give to technology back to yourself. Go to a museum, take a walk, read one of the classics that you’ve always wanted to read, sit by the water, hit the gym, ride a bike…do something to change up your routine and you may notice that a vacation from technology improves your view of the world.
5) Do something for others. When things in my life have been far less than ideal, I’ve made an extra effort to find ways to give back to my community. Volunteering at a homeless shelter or school, driving for Meals on Wheels, donating blood, visiting a nursing home with your dog, helping in some way at a children’s hospital — the list is endless. When we put ourselves and our problems away for a minute and help others who have far worse problems, an amazing thing happens. We realize how small our seemingly big problems can actually be.
In my life and yours, there will be days when we wish the day would just end and we see no real solutions to the things creating strife in our world. They can’t be avoided. It’s on those days that I hope you remember reading some financial planner’s blog and decide to give one of his suggestions a shot.